Not ready to start my Eightfold Noble Path series yet, so we're going to do a series of quotes and posts that I've had in my back pocket. I wrote this two weeks ago after an experience at Target. The concept of "Doubled Awareness" or having an "Inner Observer," is talked about both by those who practice Mindfulness and those who practice Centering Prayer. It's an odd experience, and if you've never had it, it is hard to describe. Nevertheless, after having it, I tried to...
I was walking through Target today and I became aware that I was experiencing doubled awareness, or the phenomenon of the inner observer.
This state of mind happens to me, rarely, and usually comes out of nowhere. As I wrote in my tract on Centering Prayer, sometimes I do feel like I can induce it, but more often than not, when I have the experience, it just happens.
I am writing this about an hour later and want to describe it because it's fresh.
When I am in this state of mind, it's as if I am watching my experience happen. I am not my thoughts, my actions, or my emotions, but I observe them. It is as if my whole life is a movie and I am aware that I am watching it. Reality just kind of flows, and it struck me that 'I'm not coming to my experience with clinging or want.' Reality is just happening, and I am part of it.
I feel like I am in control of what I am doing. In that sense, I'm not 'just observing.' I still have will. But it is coming from a different place. A deeper place inside of me than my mind.
It isn't an ecstatic state of mind. I'm not overcome with joy. But when I am experiencing it, it is clearly preferable to how I normally perceive life.
I am watching through my eyes, but it's another 'me.'