"Belongings, assets, and wealth in the end had captured him, this was no longer play, these were no longer frills, rather they had become a burden, and he was chained to them."

– Herman Hesse, Siddhartha

Although it is not physical belongings and wealth that chain me (we each have our own unique attachments), this is where I am at.  I feel like I have tasted contemplative peace, the kind of peace where no external situation matters, where I am completely fulfilled in myself, in God.  Where I stop striving.  

And then suddenly it disappears.  

Then I'm lost and don't know how to get it back.